Searching for the Truth11
by ks
Summary: Jess and Shelby talk, David does some soul searching, Scott talks with Shelby, Ezra begins to understand Daisy a bit better...Please Review!


A/N: I will post the next chapter soon, but then I might not be able to post anymore until Saturday because Thanksgiving week is always crazy around here! The more reviews the more chapters I post though this week so…Please Review!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters associated with Higher Ground  
  
  
  
Searching for the Truth11  
  
  
  
Your head will always tell you what is right, while your heart will always tell you what is best.-ks  
  
  
  
  
  
  
David leaned up against the wall. He looked around the room, not knowing anything else to do. The blood was rushing to his head-he was standing on his head, his feet dangling in the air. He didn't know what had possessed him to stand on his head, but ever since reading the quote Peter had given him he had been thinking. He wasn't thinking about anything particular, just about random things he had done in his life, and had wished for.   
  
He sighed as he put his feet up against the wall and pushed hard on the wall, causing him to flip over. He shook his head, letting the blood return to the rest of his body, and he leaned his back up against the wall. He was in the boy's dorm and he was very thankful no one had walked in on him. He sighed as he beat his head up against the wall a few times.   
  
David: Why does this have to happen to me?  
  
He rolled his eyes at the question. He had asked that so many times, and so many times he had gotten the same answer over and over again… He cocked his head, trying to sound like his mother…  
  
David: There is a reason for everything and one day you will find out what that reason is.   
  
David sneered as he held his hands up in the air.   
  
David: Yeah mom, you were right. All that crap happened to me so I could be sent to Horizon, better known as a living hell. Then I can be punished for all the crap that wasn't even my fault. I am loving the reason so far.   
  
He looked around the room, getting uncomfortable about thinking about his past. If his father were here now, he knew what he would say…  
  
David: You are a loser. Talking to yourself and always doing dumb things. What am I supposed to make of a kid like you? You are a failure…  
  
David cut of his sentence. He closed his eyes tightly and cursed his father deep down for driving him to what he was today.   
  
David: Guess you were right dad, I am nothing but a failure.   
  
David opened his eyes and looked around the room.  
  
David: Then again, how would anyone know? They don't even know me…  
  
David leaned his up against the wall and sighed  
  
David: No one even knows me…  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Shelby looked over at Jess, wondering what it was she wanted to talk about. They were both sitting at the docks, neither one of them had spoken yet. Shelby was afraid she knew what was coming, and she had been thinking about anything and everything she had ever learned at Horizon. At the moment though she was drawing nothing but a blank, so everything she was about to tell Jess was going to come straight from the heart-nothing she had rehearsed over and over.   
  
Jess could feel Shelby watching her. She wanted so badly just to hug Shelby and forget about the past. She knew she couldn't do that though. She had to face her fears, no matter how strong they were. She closed her eyes for a brief second, and then turned to face Shelby.   
  
Jess: I'm scared   
  
Shelby snapped out of her thoughts and stared at Jess confused.  
  
Shelby: What do you mean, Jess? You're safe here, there's nothing to be afraid of.   
  
Jess pressed her lips together and took in a deep breath   
  
Jess: I'm not talking about Horizon, Shelby-I'm talking about life.   
  
Jess stared at the confused expression on Shelby's face. She wanted so badly for Shelby to understand what she was saying without her having to go into detail, but she knew that wasn't possible.   
  
Jess: I'm scared about Walt, and I'm also scared about Scott.   
  
Shelby furrowed her brow and shook her head…  
  
Shelby: I'm not following you, Jess.  
  
Jess: Shelby, Walt did to me what he did to you. I know that you understand how it feels, so you are the only person who is going to understand this.  
  
Shelby nodded her head as she put her arm around her sister  
  
Shelby: It's ok Jess, you can tell me.   
  
Jess tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but to no avail. She was getting more nervous by the minute.  
  
Jess: I know what I want to say, it's just hard to explain… Shelby, Walt hurt me, but in more ways than one. He didn't just scar me on the outside, but on the inside as well. He's always going to be with me, in my memories, and that terrifies me.  
  
Shelby nodded her head understandingly, urging Jess to continue  
  
Jess: I've talked with a lot of the Cliffhangers, and according to them, you and Scott were really close. That is something else that frightens me. You two were close, but then something happened. I don't understand… I guess what I'm trying to say is; is it possible to be loved after what happened to me, to us.  
  
Shelby looked out over the water, holding back the tears. Everything Jess had asked had struck a chord, and not a pleasant one. She, too, had nightmares about Walt, and before she met Scott she had also wondered if anyone would ever love her after all that she had been through. She took in a deep breath as she turned back to face Jess…  
  
Shelby: I know how you feel, Jess. I have nightmares, too. I know it isn't fair, and I can't promise you that they will ever go away, but I can promise you that you can always talk to me about them. I also know you're mad about what Walt did, and you have every right to be. Just remember, I understand, and a lot of other people will try to, and that's really all you can ask for.   
  
Jess gave Shelby a small smile. She was glad she was with her sister. Shelby made her feel safe, something she had never felt at home with Walt.   
  
Shelby sighed as she looked back out over the water.   
  
Shelby: As for Scott and me, we were close, and yes it is possible to love and be loved-for who you really are.   
  
Jess watched as her sister closed her eyes, and then slowly opening them, turning to face her. Jess managed a small smile…  
  
Jess: Did he know you?   
  
Shelby smiled, knowing what Jess was getting at.   
  
Shelby: Yes, and he eventually understood me, and I understood him.   
  
Jess leaned closer to Shelby and looked out over the water…  
  
Jess: Did you love him?   
  
Shelby closed her eyes. She knew Jess would ask her this eventually. Her head told her to lie and not to get Jess's hopes up, but her heart told her to tell the truth…   
  
Shelby: Yeah, I did…  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ezra walked into the lodge, wondering where Daisy was. He had looked all over for her, but he still hadn't found her. He surveyed the room, noticing her notebook lying on a table he walked over to it. He sat in a chair and stared at the notebook-hard. He looked around, wondering if Daisy was somewhere nearby. He knew Daisy, and she never left her stuff open to the public; she was a very private person. He tapped his fingers lightly on the arm of the chair and looked out the window. His curiosity was getting to him. He wanted to know how Daisy's mind worked. What she thought of him. Why she had turned him down. He finally couldn't take it anymore. He took one last look around the room to make sure she was nowhere in sight and he quickly reached over and grabbed the notebook. He thumbed threw it, knowing the first twenty pages or so were blank. He furrowed his brow, wondering why. He abruptly stopped turning the pages when he noticed a page full of writing. He looked around once more, making sure she wasn't looking over his shoulder ready to strangle him at any minute for going through her personal belongings. He nodded his head approvingly as he noticed she wasn't around. He then turned his full attention on the page. He began reading silently:   
  
To Himself:   
  
A wise man once said, a true friend will never betray you. If that is so, I have found a true friend. Being brought up in a household full of drunks, I never knew the meaning of 'friend.' Of course, I would read books about them and hope and pray for one, but I never was sent one…until now. I have found a true friend. He may not know me, and he may not think of me as a true friend, but I have seen his soul and it is an honest one. I once read a story about a princess. It was her time to be wed, and no men in the country saw her suit to marry. She wasn't as beautiful as the others, and her parents made no mistake of telling her. She was reminded daily that true beauty comes from the inside, then every night she would hear her parents discussing why they had been sent such a 'normal' daughter. Of course this would hurt the girl and every time she heard it part of her heart was chipped away at. She would return to her room and cry herself to sleep; never realizing that, indeed, beauty is only skin deep.   
The time came when she was to meet the man she was supposed to wed. Her parents had spent weeks organizing a scheme, one that would make it where she wouldn't see the man until he removed the veil from over her face-after he had said 'I do.' Of course the young princess was forced to go along with it. She watched as the maid, a true beauty, was presented as the princess. She cringed with pain and walked away, not being able to bare what was going on before her on eyes. She wondered outdoors, only to see a man sitting on the steps, whistling a gay tune. She looked at him quizzically and tapped him on the shoulder. She couldn't help but laugh as he quickly jumped to his feet startled.   
To make a long story short, the man was dressed as assistant to the prince, the on the princess would soon be marrying. The two engaged in conversation. The princess found his company delightful, and loved just talking with him. The time came when her suspicions about him were ones she couldn't hold in any longer. She finally asked him if he was the prince, instead of the man in the castle. The man blushed and reluctantly nodded his head yes. He explained to her that his parents didn't find him handsome enough to be presented to the king and queen, so instead they had hired someone to play him. The princess laughed at the story and explained her side of it. The both laughed about it for quit sometime. Eventually, after the laughter had died down, the prince explained his feelings towards her. He explained how he admired her because she was her real self, and not trying to live up to what her parents wanted to me. She blushed but complimented him as well. They talked a while longer and found out that yes indeed, they were friends and them being wed to each other would be a good thing after all.   
  
I know that no one else probably will ever comprehend this story the way that I did, but the story gave me hope. I know I am different on the outside, but that is because I express my emotions physically instead of verbally. In the story, the princess found a true friend, and that doesn't happen often. She found him in the most unlikeliest of places, but that makes it even more special. I found my friend in the weirdest place, but then again, doesn't that sorta fit my lifestyle…weird. I know that lovers come and go, and friends stay a lifetime, but will my friend ever realize that…? I can't help but wonder if I'll ever know…   
  
  
Ezra slowly closed the notebook and laid it back on the table. He then leaned back in the chair, lying his head on the back of it. The story had made sense to him, too. Everything Daisy had tried to tell him before, he now understood.   
  
"I honestly do understand," he mumbled to himself.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Jess snuggled a little closer to Shelby. Her sister was so warm. Jess found is amazing how safe she felt with Shelby, how safe she had always felt with Shelby. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She wasn't through talking with Shelby, and what she was about to say next she knew would really urt to Shelby, but she had to let it out…  
  
Jess: You hurt me?   
  
Shelby blinked her eyes. She had been lost in thought. Jess's words echoed through her head and she furrowed her brow as she realized what Jess had just said  
  
Shelby: How, Jess?  
  
Jess: When you left. You left me all alone with Walt. You could have taken me with you, you could have stayed and helped me…  
  
Shelby nodded her head, knowing what Jess was saying was right  
  
Shelby: Jess, I'm sorry I left. I just had to get away. I never thought he would turn on you, he promised he wouldn't.   
  
Shelby closed her eyes as she leaned her chin down on top of Jess's head  
  
Shelby: I have nightmares about that, too. I think, that if I would have never left, then none of that would have ever happened to you. I think-I think sometimes that it's all my fault and I really don't even deserve to live.   
  
Jess wiggled out of Shelby's grasp and sat up to look at her sister  
  
Jess: It isn't you fault, Shelby. I wanted to run, too, so many times… I just never had the guts to do it until after you had been sent here. You're stronger than me, you did have the guts…  
  
Shelby shook her head as she smiled at Jess  
  
Shelby: YOU are strong, and never forget it.   
  
Jess pressed her lips together and shook her head  
  
Jess: I won't   
  
Shelby pulled Jess into a hug  
  
Shelby: We're Merricks, we have to be strong; it's in our blood   
  
Jess giggled at Shelby  
  
Jess: *sarcastically* I'm sure you would rather be a Barringer though  
  
Shelby laughed at Jess and rubbed her head, making her hair fall all out of place.  
  
Jess: HEY!  
  
Shelby: *sarcastically* That's what ya get   
  
Jess laughed even harder as Shelby began to tickle her…   
  
  
"AHEM"   
  
  
Shelby continued tickling Jess and Jess continued her screaming and laughing  
  
  
"AHEM"   
  
Shelby: WHAT?   
  
She turned around to see Scott standing there. His head cocked slightly and a half smile on his face.  
  
Scott: If I were you Jess I'd give up, she's a lot stronger than she looks   
  
Shelby rolled her eyes at Scott and managed a small smile. She then looked over at Jess who had a grin on her face. Jess laughed a little as she began to stand up…  
  
Jess: I'll just leave you two alone   
  
Shelby slapped at Jess as Jess walked by. Jess walked up to Scott and whispered something to him…  
  
"Don't even try to hurt her," Jess whispered and then walked off after giving Shelby a little wink.   
  
Scott watched Jess walk away and he then turned to look at Shelby. He shrugged his shoulders as she stood up and walked towards him.   
  
Scott: Can we talk?   
  
Shelby looked at him, knowing that she so badly wanted to talk. She wanted to know why he was back and why he even left. She sighed as she slowly nodded her head…  
  
Shelby: Ok, we can talk  
  
Scott smiled at her and motioned towards the place where she and Jess had just been sitting…  
  
Scott: Let's talk then…  
  
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